you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize