i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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