THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
