like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
too bad you live with your parents still
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
