when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
