ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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