Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
