He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
