Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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