He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
