Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
