i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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