why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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