I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize