I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
