I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
