yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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