Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
