Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
