Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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