SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
