I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
