Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
