Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
