it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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