she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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