I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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