Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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