Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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