Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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