In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
