it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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