I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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