just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
