Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
