i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
