If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
