We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
