Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
