She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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