It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
