if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
