who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
