thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
