I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
