I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
