We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
