you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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