I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
