Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
