I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
