you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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