you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
