Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
