Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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