Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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