i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
