omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
