Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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