so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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