I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
