There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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