I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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