WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
