Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
