I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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