Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
