i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
