i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
