hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
