oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
