she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
