I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
