Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
