and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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