the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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