Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am one with the molecules
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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