He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
