Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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