I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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