just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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