i already hear my dad disowning me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
