i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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