a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize