I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
