Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
