And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
