dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
