i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
