I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
