PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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