Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize