i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
