absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize