My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
