well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
