my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
