he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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