Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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